Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
