she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
