This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
