I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
