trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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