Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
