Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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