This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
