Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Terrible idea I love it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
