BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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