my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
