waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
