idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
being pregnant is like rehab
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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