Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
