Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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