I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
