hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
