The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Buhtt sex?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
birth control should be required to get into college
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
