When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
