Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
