My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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