I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
