How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
