I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
