why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...