I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.