So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this just has baby written all over it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.