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We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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