please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
