Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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