i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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