I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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