somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Me too!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
