I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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