Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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