I was born with a shot glass in my hand
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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