dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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