I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
