As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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