I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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