I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just invented taco cereal.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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