She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
