be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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