12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
