Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
