Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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