Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
