wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
