I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
