I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
