Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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