NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
