TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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