I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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