I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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