We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
