If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i came on her dog
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
