i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
