And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
