you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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