Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
