Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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