my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
