Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
