There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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