Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this boner is exhausting
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
