Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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