Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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