3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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