Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
