Do you still have your period?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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