i think i have herpe
just one?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
