Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
