i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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